hellogoodbye.

hello;
well, as i wrap my 500th blog post up, i will say goodbye.
not sure if this is just to the blogging world in general, or to this blog.
this blog started out with a reason, and that reason is no longer defining me or there.
yes, this may seem extremely stupid, but half my blog posts are for this reason and i don't want some of my choices now to be determined by the past.
and drama. hahahaha

so i say goodbye, and no more hellos.
but, if you truly want to read all the crap i say facebook/text/email me anyways.

PEACE OUT!

"what is love?
in math, it's a problem.
in history, it's a battle.
in science, it's a reaction.
in art, it's a heart.
but to me?
love always will and simply be, you."

dreading this LOL

so after much contemplation, i've decided to take out my dread.
for those who don't know... yes, i have a dread in my hair.
don't ask me the exact reason why i decided to do it... i just did. and i proved a lot of things wrong - i had it all but the end done, which was definitely less then a year [real dreads to "mature" take over a year], i did not use my permed/curly hair to make it, this happened to be my one section of noncurly, straightish hair, which is pretty much not good hair to dread. and i totally did it! plus, i still shampooed basically every day, which is a big no no with dreads... AND conditioned.

haha and hey you all can have your own opinions on dreads, but the history behind it is cool.
i did it in rebellion... to see if i could... and i kinda liked the look of it.
it is a work of art, if you can get over the "grossness" of it.
i started with a braid, teased it, "ratted" it, twisted it, played with it, and yes, there is a little bit of wax in some places, but otherwise that's all.



peace.

funny "poem" i found

"roses are red, violets are blue, i'm in love but not with you
when we broke up you thought i'd cry
but why would i cry; you're just a typical guy
you told your friends that i was a trick
i told my friends you had a weak d***
i said i love you; you thought it was true
but guess what baby?
you got played too!"



i'm sorry i thought it was hysterical. forgive the language.
means nothing to me at all except for a laugh.

end of april already

okay... time for the bronchitis to go away!!
haven't used the inhaler at all yesterday or today [which is awesome] got prescribed to it on friday.
lame.
i went to my doctor's to just do paperwork [this is the first time i've gone to the adult doctor's..... i don't go very often lol so it was really a switch to them kind of thing.] she tells me i have a fever, and bronchitis, and got prescribed to an inhaler.

i won't even go over about the safeway's pharmacy and my neurologist. BTW - if you can avoid BOTH guys from there, it would be better. both a jerks.
forgive me for FREAKING OUT when the pharmacist tells me that my prescription just went up from 80$ to 330$ after a long, hard, sick day, yeah. i'm going to kinda cry. i probably would have anyway. so waving your hands and going, calm down, calm down, is not going to help me.

my insurance didn't tell me that march 31st they changed my price on my meds - basically their own way of trying to force me to pay more expensive for the brand name, which is what my doctor wants [it's more effective] or go to the generic, which is less.
so i'm STILL waiting for my doctor to call me back and see what they could do...


such a lovely weekend. this weekend will be much nicer [:

"What are little boys made of?
Snips and snails, and puppy dogs tails
That's what little boys are made of!
What are little girls made of?
Sugar and spice and all things nice
That's what little girls are made of!"

"where magic sets sail,
....and adventures become legendary"

my night was made.

i was given a scarf yesterday.
one of the sweetest adults made it for me!
shelley woodman is one of the best adults out there [and i'm saying this knowing there are a lot of best adults, people.]

my slytherin scarf, [for those who are missing out and NOT reading harry potter, it is one of the houses. {not harry potter's}]

SO AWESOME.

YES, this looks just like the secret deck at home! so that's what it is!

secret valentine [yes, i'm bored]

1. Put your ipod, windows media player, etc. on shuffle.

2. For each Question press the next button to get your answer.

3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.

4. Tag 20 friends.

5. Everyone tagged has to do the same thing.

1. IF SOMEONE SAYS ARE YOU OKAY YOU SAY? don't give a damn
2. HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF? grand allegro
3. WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GIRL/GUY? duck tales
4. HOW DO YOU FEEL? beauty and the beast
5. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE PURPOSE? i've got all this ringing in my ears and none on my fingers
6. WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU? it's my life
7. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN? lonely no more
8. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BESTFRIEND? speak now
9. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY? super trooper
10. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP? crazy little thing called love
11. WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE? i've just seen a face
13. WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL? colonel's death march [the jungle book... disney hahahaha]
14. WHAT IS YOUR PASSION IN LIFE? northern downpour ???????
15. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR? feed the birds [tuppence a bag]
16. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET? can you feel the love tonight?
17. WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW? golden years
18. WHAT DOES YOUR LOVE THINK ABOUT YOU? chicken fried {BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA}
19. WHAT WILL YOU TITLE THIS NOTE AS? secret valentine

"even before i even know it's you, you've got my heart racing"

i laugh.
i cry.
i breathe,
i die.
i hope, in vain,
for you to say my name.
do i keep this candle burning?
or do a fall into the gutter..
do you know?
that my stomach is doing butterflies;
my heart is pumping double time.
i watch,
i'm silent.
i wish,
i pray.
perhaps today...
but no.
i wait.

and down the rabbit hole i fall..

it's like the puzzle is put in place, the wrong begins to right
that exhilarated feeling, lasts through the night.
so i'll begin to dance in the rain, so no one will see me cry...
i'd still lay down my life, for you, i'd die.
hopeless, they say, hopeless i may
so i shall wander, and correct my mistakes,
if love could bring me here, then love it shall take.

so the vagabond set out into the dark starry night
never to look back, but looking forward?
flying with, that hopeful? kite,
with all their might, armed their sword

like a candle in the wind,
fluttering all around
not making sense
not making any rhyme
wondering where in this maze you are
and what love really is....
if the wrong begins to right, and the puzzle piece fits into place,
why doesn't this all make sense,
why doesn't it rhyme?
all mysteries should have an end...
happy ending or no

if people knew how to make peace with each other
we'd all be in love and we'd all let music drive us into a dance no one would be able to stop
we'd dance until our deaths within our own red shoes
a circle around the earth because everyone loved us for love started us
and love shall kill us, till death do we part.

charmed.

my mom's hilarious.
few years ago i brought home a boy who according to my mother, was the worst one.
he had a nose piercing through the middle.... and it was gauged. scrawny kid who didn't dress the best. guess if you'd actually go and label the poor guy he'd be "punk" or more "emo"
he's a good kid at heart.
don't get me wrong. i KNEW at the time not a cool guy to have. let him walk all over me until he got kicked out of his house then didn't talk to him [not because of that, but because he lost contact because of the phone]
what reminded me of this, was today at my brother's art show there was a girl there who dressed in the "punk" more like "emo" phase. my mother asked my brothers if they'd ever date someone like her.
i had to contain my laughter.. total slash against me hahahaha my poor mom she's still hurting from any boy i brought home.

i admired the girl for her individuality but the fact that if she moved you could see up her skirt, it was that short. the makeup was a little overdone but you know what really got me [as in i liked this]? fishnets, converse, and pink hair.



PB&J.

disney.

"where disney princesses live big dreams"

"where memories take hold and never let go"

"where a moment of beauty lasts forever"

"where magic speaks, even when you're not the fairest of them all,"

"where wonderland is your destiny"

"where every cinderella story comes true"

"where imagination saves the day"

"where you're the fairest of them all"

"where a whole new world awaits,"

"where another world is just a wish away"

"where dreams run free"

"where the magic begins"

"where you never have to grow up"

"where your every wish is our command"

"where you're always king of the court"

"where imagination saves the day"

"where romance is celebrated"

"where magic is timeless"

"where dreams come true"

"where adventure is found around every corner"

"where everyone screams at the sight of a mouse!"

"where tomorrow is today"

"where everyone is dying to meet you"

"where elephants fly!"

"where ghosts come to socialize"

"where fairy tales come true"

"where magic lives"

"where evil spells are always broken"

"where its a whole new world"

"where something incredible happens every day"

"where the party never ends"

"where everyone is happy no matter what their name"

"where the clock never strikes midnight"

"where night is bright as day"

"where trouble takes a break"

"where friends share magic"

"where magic is timeless"

"where MY dream came true"

oh disney...

"where memories take hold and never let go"

"where a moment of beauty lasts forever"

"where magic speaks, even when you're not the fairest of them all,"

march the third

keelan turns fourteen today. FOURTEEN. oh. my. goodness. i can remember me being thirteen..... this seems ages ago. next year, he can go to driver's ed! i'm still not used to the fact that conner can get his license in three months.


on another note,

i saw the Lord ever before me;
because He is at my right hand,
i will not be shaken.
therefore my heart was glad,
and my tongue rejoiced.
moreover my flesh will rest in hope,
because You will not leave my soul in hell,
or allow Your Holy One to see decay.
You have revealed the paths of life to me;
You will fill me with gladness in Your presence.

amen!!!!



i LOVE annie leibovitz's photography:
http://disneyparks.disney.go.com/blog/2011/03/disney-parks-unveils-new-annie-leibovitz-disney-dream-portraits/?CMP=SOC-DLRUSENFY11Q2DLR_SocMedFacebook0001

seeing for the first time.

well. haven't been blogging very much. guess i've been either busy or felt nothing was needed to write in here.
but that's kinda not true. God's been doing a lot in my life. i guess i wasn't just opening my eyes and SEEING them. as i am writing this now [or, i guess, typing], i'm realizing this might be what God's been trying to TELL me. and show me. lol... aren't we BLIND!! mere earthly forms of images of God and how silly, BLIND things we are....
i forget so easily how much of God's love is around us. everyday, 24/7.

i'm in the process/middle of audition for Paradosi Christian Ballet Company - which i'm stoked and praying about. so i'm stuck in this limbo right now... lol... because of the beautiful waiting game. [next part of the audition is at the end of april]

yesterday i just got a call for an invite on taking a ballet class up in seattle from DASSdance [i had recently been training with them sorta summer/thru november] on sundays, which is awesome. i liked their style. and the fact that they still like to see me.

today i have an interview with the church, hopefully to help with little kids at services. we'll see how i will be able to juggle this between church, kids, dance, and birthday parties at the Y.

still working at the Y... you know. so-so. i hate my hours because there isn't enough but who hasn't complained about that. we're all happy because the one staff we all had come to be very annoyed with has left. i know that sounds awful, but it will help us immensely.
things happen which we're not all happy about, but again, it all happens for a reason.


i read about friends or people who go off on these far away missions and wonder why that hasn't happened to me? i could do it. [or so i'd like to think... i've come to realize just by reading their blogs that that would be a no... lol because they have a hard time..] once again i SAW within a mere application - missions are so highly lifted up when people go out of the church and go somewhere else and perform God's deeds. but God performs them, He uses us. and it does not matter where you go, whether it is "far away" or in your own neighborhood. no since i don't have a neighborhood.... i found this kinda deflating for myself... what is my mission? i know what my gift was... dance. but i didn't know how to use it with me and with my love of God.
i think i found my outing, and i feel strongly about it. i FEEL as this might be my calling, but i do not know yet. this feeling is an earthly thing. i won't know until God puts it on my lap, lets me SEE.

and a mission? God gave me one already, i was just too busy to SEE it. i have a coworker which God is leading to Himself. she bought a bible yetserday, and last night was her second time coming to community with me. i'm watching her grow within Christ, and its making me grow too. its a wonderful thing to accomplish, but alas, that makes me take credit that which is not mine - it is GOD's. and i am trying to steal from Him! again, my earthliness astounds me and shames me. we cannot take His credit! am merely a tool, or clay - He is shaping me, and helping me realize this. He is truly an awesome God.

amen.

"where disney princesses live big dreams"

take me to disneyland, please.

and the end of jan. comes..

i originally started this blog as a "fashion blog" - after seeing them in a teenvogue mag. then i kinda decided it was stupid and not really me.
so it's been an open journal.
not been so sure what i've kept it for, but i write in it. sometimes. maybe this is my talking. haha. like i don't do that enough.

what's been interesting was reading a friend's first entry in her blog. oh, just to let you know, she's in nairobi right now. [well, close to it] on a mission trip.
we are so spoiled as americans!!!! makes me really want to go out and survive somewhere else.
who knows. maybe that'll happen.

so starting at this new studio.... soon. sounds like we got delayed 2 more weeks [we're moving to a new studio]
i have six classes now! this past week, as i found out i had three more classes added, that i had to figure out all my songs for them, as well as costumes. all in a week. oh vey!


well, that's all the useless information now.

the kingdom crashing around us..

God's kingdom is crashing down around us.
this is a good thing. think about it for a minute... crashing around us means He's all around us. on our "enemies" and we're supposed to love these people, right? yes. aaaand its not like they're getting killed by it all being crushed down, but saved instead.
reality in this earthly place is beautiful.

first time i have fully used my rotation in my flexibility since i was probably 13.
oh. my. goodness. my hips are already easily popping and hurting; as well as my rotatorssssss AKA BUTT!
zumba is going to KICK MY ASS tomorrow.


there's a friend who i'd love to punch in the face right now. he's hurt three of my friends now.
people. just... people.


MY HARRY POTTER SPECIAL EDITION OF BOOK FIVE CAME IN THE MAIL!

yes, i'll complain once.

so i made a point not to write anything bad on facebook or twitter about work, so considering no one reads this [lol.... i
been wrong before, i know] but i'm sorry, i just have to rant.

forgive me that you're so bored at work for only 5 kids, but the minute you leave, yeah we might actually have kids. that's how the world works. i was bored, but i couldn't leave. i was one of the original, like yourself. not the 5th. so suck it up. sure, you only lost an hour... but you're the one who was complaining about losing hours all week. suck it up.

and please... there's this thing called respect. idk if you've heard of it. i've actually come to respect you. and i'm sure this is some sort of karma thing coming back to me, as i know you're the one who was picked on all the time, but i was hired at the same time as you. and i never got picked on. ever. i did my job. ]that was humiliating when all the kids started bashing on me, and you didn't even try and stop it. course you started it once. i was trying to do my job. you don't even care about this job! someone could gladly have your hours. aka me?

ugh. tonight was not the night for me :( i'm just hoping to get more classes in the new studio... maybe another one... i just want to teach dance.

work politics. there's always something or someone.
can't we all have love, God, and peace?

‎"He who trims himself to suit everyone will soon whittle himself away." -Raymond Hull

who are you?

i love how people don't care for something specific you do, or who you are.
they or you, can act like a different person around certain people, and different around others.
then who is the real "you"?

they make multi-personality disorders; bipolar; and other things... but aren't we all just a little bit of those as well?

who's to say there isn't that someone you can't help but act like a completely different person around... its not like you try to or plan it.. it just happens.
everyone's different around their family then their friends.
someone you're crushing on.. yeah, there's reasons.

but why don't we understand that each person is their own person.
and how do we specifically say "this is me"?
we dress based off of what we see. we talk based off of what we hear. we develop opinions because of one thing or another... someone told you their opinion, and yes, you end up judging the opinion itself and decide to agree, or disagree.

friends end up defining who you are too.... have you ever heard a friend go, "oh, that totally reminded me of you!" "It's so you!" [etc, etc, etc]


who are you?

day four [31 days]

a picture of your favorite memory:



christmas 2006 - we were handed Year of a Million Dreams -fastpasses to specific rides, with no timelimit.

day 3 [31 days]

a picture of the cast of your favorite show




so... i don't watch tv.. so i put what my favorite show was when i was a kid :D
the little mermaid tv series!!!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Little_Mermaid_(TV_series)

day 2 [31 days]

a picture of you and the person you have been closest to the longest:



my mother!

day one [31 days]

a picture of yourself with ten facts:



1. dance is still my utmost passion.
2. i hate labels. they're for soupcans.
3. i follow Jesus Christ.
4. i go to work to play with kids.
5. i collect disney pins
6. disneyland is THE happiest place on earth and where i'd like to live.
7. my favorite book[s] EVER is harry potter.
8. i love roses.
9. i'm a romantic... hopeless or hopeful i'm not sure...
10. if i had a choice i think i'd actually totally live in the medieval age.