seeing for the first time.

well. haven't been blogging very much. guess i've been either busy or felt nothing was needed to write in here.
but that's kinda not true. God's been doing a lot in my life. i guess i wasn't just opening my eyes and SEEING them. as i am writing this now [or, i guess, typing], i'm realizing this might be what God's been trying to TELL me. and show me. lol... aren't we BLIND!! mere earthly forms of images of God and how silly, BLIND things we are....
i forget so easily how much of God's love is around us. everyday, 24/7.

i'm in the process/middle of audition for Paradosi Christian Ballet Company - which i'm stoked and praying about. so i'm stuck in this limbo right now... lol... because of the beautiful waiting game. [next part of the audition is at the end of april]

yesterday i just got a call for an invite on taking a ballet class up in seattle from DASSdance [i had recently been training with them sorta summer/thru november] on sundays, which is awesome. i liked their style. and the fact that they still like to see me.

today i have an interview with the church, hopefully to help with little kids at services. we'll see how i will be able to juggle this between church, kids, dance, and birthday parties at the Y.

still working at the Y... you know. so-so. i hate my hours because there isn't enough but who hasn't complained about that. we're all happy because the one staff we all had come to be very annoyed with has left. i know that sounds awful, but it will help us immensely.
things happen which we're not all happy about, but again, it all happens for a reason.


i read about friends or people who go off on these far away missions and wonder why that hasn't happened to me? i could do it. [or so i'd like to think... i've come to realize just by reading their blogs that that would be a no... lol because they have a hard time..] once again i SAW within a mere application - missions are so highly lifted up when people go out of the church and go somewhere else and perform God's deeds. but God performs them, He uses us. and it does not matter where you go, whether it is "far away" or in your own neighborhood. no since i don't have a neighborhood.... i found this kinda deflating for myself... what is my mission? i know what my gift was... dance. but i didn't know how to use it with me and with my love of God.
i think i found my outing, and i feel strongly about it. i FEEL as this might be my calling, but i do not know yet. this feeling is an earthly thing. i won't know until God puts it on my lap, lets me SEE.

and a mission? God gave me one already, i was just too busy to SEE it. i have a coworker which God is leading to Himself. she bought a bible yetserday, and last night was her second time coming to community with me. i'm watching her grow within Christ, and its making me grow too. its a wonderful thing to accomplish, but alas, that makes me take credit that which is not mine - it is GOD's. and i am trying to steal from Him! again, my earthliness astounds me and shames me. we cannot take His credit! am merely a tool, or clay - He is shaping me, and helping me realize this. He is truly an awesome God.

amen.