realization.

"have you ever been in love?
horrible, isn't it?
it opens up your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up.
you build all these defenses, you build a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you,
then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...
you give them a piece of you. they didn't ask for it.
they did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you. and then your life isn't your life anymore.
love takes hostages.
it gets inside of you.
it eats you and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like "maybe we should just be friends"
turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart.
it hurts. not just in the imagination. not just in the mind.
it's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain."
i hate love.


what hurts the most, is when they finally break your heart. and it's the worst pain imaginable, especially since you thought they'd never do so. because they begin to use you, they take you for granted. they lie to you, they go back to you as the railing that keeps them from falling into the sea and drown, and you let them, because you love them too much.
that's when it's time to finally say goodbye, to finally let out the tears you've been holding in, the ones you know you should have let go ages ago, because then you realize it's finally time to say it.
hence the name of my blog - "no more hellos". you cannot say goodbye without first having said hello.
so i'd like to take my heart back now.
goodbye.