how much,

i don't think you understand how much one has a hold of your heart sometimes until you start wishing for that fairytale someone else got
or maybe you do realize it, somewhere in the middle of a smile,
a kiss, a hug,
a hello.
it's amazing how much you can love someone, to the point where you know it'll never work out with each other, you just want the other person to be happy. to want them to be happy with another person, if that's what it takes. to fall for your best friend... yeah, it's great, isn't it?
and they know it; they're torn. but when you have the possibility of having something now, or to pine away for someone you can never have, which would you choose?
that would be the one minor side of the hopeless romantic/
so you can keep on wishing for that fairytale romance, wish it with that one person... and wish yourself away.
yet that hasn't stopped me. helped me. say goodbye... hasn't helped.
how does one fall even more after they can't stand of what the kid does half the time, isn't morally what you should have, and can't decide if they like your ex bestfriend more or you? and how the hell do you try and figure out where you stand, in the one fact that your ex best friend isn't being completely truthful with your lover. souping up from him as much as she can... and he's in over his head.
i remember that stage.
yet here i am. 3000 miles away and hating it all.
wishing i didn't love so much so big and had gotten into the mess i am now.
bah.