ask and you shall recieve

what happens when you actually ask something specific from God, of course He's going to give it back in the most complicated way possible.
you told me you might not be going. aka you're staying. i'm going to have to deal with you; and that sounds so awful, but i was just getting to the point where i could accept a break, accept that you were going to be gone and i could heal.
this utterly changes everything.
but there's me, you, her..... who continuously tries to put her mark on you when you don't see.
God is having you back for a reason, but is it for you, or for me?
GAHHHHHH
this means i have to face my heart, and find my courage.