summer over?!

God will give, and God will take.
we have pain in the world because it is an earthly place, and lessons are formed from them. we learn and then we forget, we relearn and then the cycle continues.
do we ever remember our mistakes? listen to our subconscious?
do we let go the unnecessary baggage and throw out to God's outstretched arms? the answer is yes. but do. we. do it? have the strength to give it all up? even the best things that happened to us?
God is great.
i may not like my situation, and i might not like the consequences, but somehow, for some reason, there's order in all this. an order of chaos. perfect chaos, spinning in God's own way.
the only way we can completely become wholly closer to God is to be at our weakest point, on our knees broken in half and a million more pieces. because He's down there with arms outstretched wanting us. He loves us no matter what we do or who we are. ready to gives us that hug of a lifetime and take us home.
2 corinthians 12:9-10 reads: 'but He said to me, "my grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." therefore, i will most gladly boast all the more about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may reside in me. so because of Christ, i am pleased in weaknesses, in insults, in catastrophes, in persecutions, and in pressures. for when i am weak, i am strong.'

i'm so blessed to have been given these wonderfully God-fearing friends this summer. this has been a very interesting summer with all the unusual trials and tribulations.. but i couldn't ask for another summer because i had so much happen that i couldn't ask to have taken away. everything happens for a reason. you become stronger by the trials that happen.
i've become a stronger christian and i've been searching out. for God. reading my bible. ask and you shall receive.


now i'm sad because fall has already arrived and we barely had an summer hahaha

i will go - desperation band

Let Your kingdom come on earth. Let Your will be done
Let every kingdom of this earth bow.


Let the sinners sing for joy, we are saved by grace
Let every saint break through these doors and shout

You’re calling out, “who will go?”

I will go. I will live the life. I’ll give it all for Jesus Christ.
I’ll tell the world that You are God.
I will go. Hear my battle cry. Give me wings so I can fly
and tell the world that You are God.


Here am I, here am I, I will give all that is mine.
Here am I, here am I, Jesus come and spend my life.


I will go. I will live the life.
I’ll give it all for Jesus Christ. I’ll tell the world that You are God.
I will go. Hear my battle cry.
Give me wings so I can fly and tell the world that You are God

do you understand,

i often wonder what you mean
and how much trouble came between
the only person left from it all
so i don't know what you mean
i want to ask, but scared to see

i'll find the moon, look at our stars
make my wish
blow you a kiss

maybe three thousand miles away you'll hear:
i love you.

savior [rise against]

it kills me not to know this but I've all but just forgotten
What the color of her eyes were and her scars or how she got them
As the telling signs of age rain down a single tear is dropping
Through the valleys of an aging face that this world has forgotten
There is no reconciliation that will put me in my place
And there is no time like the present to drink these draining seconds
But seldom do these words ring true when I'm constantly failing you
Like walls that we just can't break through until we disappear

So tell me now
If this ain't love then how do we get out?
Because I don't know
That's when she said I don't hate you boy
I just want to save you while there's still something left to save
That's when I told her I love you girl
But I'm not the answer to the questions that you still have

But the day pressed on like crushing weights
For no man does it ever wait
Like memories of dying days
That deafen us like hurricanes
Bathed in flames we held the brand
Uncurled the fingers in your hand
Pressed into the flesh like sand
Now do you understand?

So tell me now
If this ain't love then how do we get out?
Because I don't know
That's when she said I don't hate you boy
I just want to save you while there's still something left to save
That's when I told her I love you girl
But I'm not the answer to the questions that you still have

1000 miles away
There's nothing left to say
But so much left that I don't know
We never had a choice
This world is too much noise
It takes me under
It takes me under once again
I don't hate you
I don't hate you

So tell me now
If this ain't love then how do we get out?
Because I don't know
That's when she said I don't hate you boy
I just want to save you while there's still something left to save
That's when I told her I love you girl
But I'm not the answer to the questions that you still have

I don't hate you
I don't hate you, no

hum hallelujah

wow what release is.
and to go off searching for joy.
God is so wonderful to bring the friends he brought me.

even though i was mad at Him for a day, He did grant my prayer... but of course not the way i wanted... good thing it's God's world and not mine, or this world would be a disaster... lol!
i mean, yes. if you are going to ask God, He will give it to you. just not always how you'd like it. duh. lol


God is amazing. amen to that.

[untitled love]

dreaming of you and me
walking on that beach hand in hand
making footprints side by side across the sand
my friend is laughing at me
waking me out of my reverie
i sigh with that dreamy expression on my face..
how i miss our days
where there was nothing but love
of our long talks
laughing at silly things
of you teaching me whatever it was..
you showed me joy
then came that day
i was walking out my own way..
i remember that day as though it were yesterday,
i left you with that hurt-look on your face
not once looking back
can't believe what i did
all i know is i miss you now
what i would give to be with you
and now i'm dreaming of you and me
walking along that beach hand in hand
making footprints side by side across the sand...
and i wish i could go back,
wish i could undo
all those things i said to you

one day walking alone on that beach
i stumble across another lone footprints on the sand..
i look up to see you with outstretched arms
and nothing else mattered as i ran to you
this time you carried me across that beach
so only a single set of footprints showed
your love could not have been so apparent
and i wonder why i doubted so
[love]

ask and you shall recieve

what happens when you actually ask something specific from God, of course He's going to give it back in the most complicated way possible.
you told me you might not be going. aka you're staying. i'm going to have to deal with you; and that sounds so awful, but i was just getting to the point where i could accept a break, accept that you were going to be gone and i could heal.
this utterly changes everything.
but there's me, you, her..... who continuously tries to put her mark on you when you don't see.
God is having you back for a reason, but is it for you, or for me?
GAHHHHHH
this means i have to face my heart, and find my courage.

moving on...?

"you can spend minutes, hours, weeks, or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together. justifying what could've, would've happened.
...or you can leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on."

"it doesn't matter anymore. i guess things happen for a reason. tears eventually fade and one day everything will be exactly how it's supposed to be. moving on is a process and plus you have to promise yourself that you're really ready to let go."

"there's a point in life when you get tired of chasing everyone and trying to ix everything. but it's not giving up. it's realizing that you don't need certain people and their crap."

rhyming ridiculously

of all the things i could say and have done,
and all of what has happened
i still wonder why you have me underneath your spell
it all makes sense, that last missing puzzle piece is there

and then i ask the God almighty
to fully take away from here
so i can run away, hide myself in a hole
to take time to heal this broken soul

the favor i ask, true and bold
He grants with wisdom, but breaks the hold
He sends back what i want away
so that i find courage to face what may

never ask without thinking of the consequences,
but ask anyway
for God will give you what you need,
just perhaps not your way.

is it really the middle of august already?!

~
funny how you meet the people you meet, love the people you love, and lose the people you lose.
why?
and how... is this all planned out, by God?
~

--
i didn't realize how much i missed you until we sat down and talked. i'm glad you're going to college; it will help me a lot, as bad and selfish as that sounds. we had a friendship that meshed like the rainbow. i hate how it had disappeared.
i love how we could talk about so many things and it just was the start of a beautiful friendship.
but you hurt me, and that will take a while to heal. unfortunately, this is such a double edged sword. i don't know if i'll ever tell you how much you did hurt me, and how much i fell from it all.
you're a good person. and i'd like to know more of you, sometime.
--

=
it's the weirdest thing to have all these people finally catch up with me and they're all going to college now! i just met these beautiful people haha
it's amazing to be surrounded by God-fearing people. and to love them, quirks and all.
this walk with God is an extremely "twisted" road, and you know me... i'm a klutz haha
=

_
on another note, week two of dance!! last week was, and i can't believe i'm saying this, gnarly. brutal. hard. and i knew it, considering i haven't danced in 2 years! haha. today was the first day i could completely walk normal... and tomorrow i'll go back to being extremely sore again haha
then the audition is on sunday!!!! [company audition to DASSdance up in seattle]
we'll see how this all ends up turning out.
_
peace.

perhaps i spoke too soon..

my mind is a ravaging pool of thoughts i must put down

i wanna be able to put trust in there
i want to be able to love unconditionally
i want to give in
and i want to hold back
i am torn and divided, freaking and sane
i want to know why, of all people, you laid your eyes on me
curiouser and curiouser
i wonder why people have so many judgements reserved for people
and how we got to be such good friends in so little time
i laugh at my stupidity and figure God is laughing harder
i'd actually like to walk normal again and not be sore for dance for once...
i'm shouting to the Lord on how i'm finding that love for dance again
i want to scream songs again on a drive
and tell you the song i'm feeling for you
and to be held by arms that promise of not letting go
i want to be loved.
can this be granted?
can it be done?
i want to trust someone with my deepest darkest secrets, and to be able to hold theirs

i seem to want and need a lot of things.
how weird this earth is.
how great our God is.

fireworks.

God works in the most surprising and amazing ways.

you know when you have those butterflies in your stomach that are popping so hard, and your smile muscles are aching?
when you're going over and over in your mind... and then wondering how that possibly ended up happening to you?
remembering when people are chuckling at you about the fact that yes, yes you are a hopeless romantic, but you always thought yourself as a hopeful one?
having the entire car ride home to smile that huge goofy smile..... then try and not look like a 'lovesick puppy' as my mother describes it.. for that very reason: your family to see.
this is when it feels like, to you and you alone, that reality finally got better then your dreams - now you're gonna have trouble falling asleep.

and to think, God put this here for some random reason. looking back at what all happened from before and see what's happening now? yeah, i'm glad it's that way.
:D

smile - uncle kracker [excerpt]

You make me smile like the sun
Fall out of bed
Sing like a bird
Dizzy in my head
Spin like a record
Crazy on a Sunday night
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold
Buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Ohh you make me smile

random?

you're gonna get me bouncing on my toes
my smile muscles sore
i'm gonna be a bundle of nerves
those butterflies'll soar
can't wait for anything related
to you and you alone
i'll stay up past the hour
just to see you on the phone.

teenage dream - katy perry

You think I'm pretty
Without any make-up on
You think I'm funny
When I tell the puch line wrong
I know you get me
So I'll let my walls come down, down

Before you met
I was a wreck
But things were kinda heavy
You brought me to life
Now every February
You'll be my valentine, valentine

Let's go all the way tonight
No regrets, just love
We can dance until we die
You and I
We'll be young forever

You make me
Feel like
I'm living a Teenage Dream
The way you turn me on
I can't sleep
Let's runaway
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back

My heart stops
When you look at me
Just one touch
Now baby I believe
This is real
So take a chance
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back

We drove to Cali
And got drunk on the beach
Got a motel and
Built a floor out of sheets
I finally found you
My missing puzzle piece
I'm complete

Let's go all the way tonight
No regrets, just love
We can dance until we die
You and I
We'll be young forever

You make me
Feel like
I'm living a Teenage Dream
The way you turn me on
I can't sleep
Let's runaway
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back

My heart stops
When you look at me
Just one touch
Now baby I believe
This is real
So take a chance
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back

I might get your heart racing
In my skin-tight jeans
Be your teenage dream tonight

Let you put your hands on me
In my skin-tight jeans
Be your teenage dream tonight

You make me
Feel like
I'm living a Teenage Dream
The way you turn me on
I can't sleep
Let's runaway
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back

My heart stops
When you look at me
Just one touch
Now baby I believe
This is real
So take a chance
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back

thank you, God.

oh... i went camping yesterday hahaha
with fourteen other beautiful and amazing people. loved every minute of it, and God's glory was surrounding us the whole time.
i could write on and on but i' telling you, this basically sums it up.
loved every minute of it and don't think it should have been any different.

i saw a shooting star, fell into the river... lol, jumped off a cliff into it, hiked up the river [laughingwater river] ate too much junk food, and took so many pics, [for the pics, go see my facebook page lol] i apologized for when i should, read my bible, just breathed in God's beauty, made wonderful memories, drank the water!!! definitely danced my way home, and HAD THE BEST TWO DAYS OF SUMMER.

t. swift.

would you not swoon if a guy told you he liked taylor swift, and i'm talking about openly admitting it to you? i think i'm in love.

luke 17:3&4

be on your guard. if your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him. and if he sins against you seven times in a day, and comes back to you seven times, saying, 'i repent,' you must forgive him.

psalm 4:4

be angry [tremble] and do not sin;
on you bed, reflect your heart
and be still.

proverbs 17:17&18

a friend loves at all times,
and a brother is born a difficult time.
one without sense enters an agreement
and puts up security for his friend.

oh life.

its amazing how you stop and take one look at your life as you seem to see it spinning around you, in slow motion.
you can see where all your relationships have taken you, the ups and downs of that emotional rollercoaster;
the regrets you have even though you're trying to live without them...
where you are in life right this minute, and reflecting back
back to a year ago, five, even just last week or yesterday.
where life's choices now have taken you...
are you happy in life? or not?
if you're not, are you trying to change it, or wallowing in self pity?
is all the hate you stored up before still there?
if you're happy, then are you trying to find that joy from God instead?
life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're going to get :]