he-who-must-not-be-named

it's like the puzzle is put in place, the wrong begins to right/that exhilarated feeling, lasts through the night. so i'll begin to dance in the rain, so no one will see me cry... i'd still lay down my life, for you, i'd die. hopeless, they say, hopeless i may/ so i shall wander, and correct my mistakes, if love could bring me here, then love it shall take.

how cut off it sounds.... how choppy and clueless... i forget my 'place' and have to butcher my meanings on facebook anymore.
i am friends with people i want patience with. patience to love, and not to hurt or agonize.
i wonder if you read my blog anymore. i dare not say what i want to say completely, just in case. i said what i wanted in my letters.
letters have been my downfall, and my savior.... to you? i don't remember.
last night i went to bed in the weirdest mood... as i smile for my friends, an honest smile, but my insides are burning up.
the term "hopeless romantic" comes up often used.. i'm beginning to know what it means.
but,
hopeless, or hopeful?
i sigh, watching wind wrestle its impatience around with the earth. i wonder when you'll read them; i wonder when we will talk next.

selfishism....

i have come to the realization that i am incredibly selfish.
that being said, i would like to try and change that.
i complain to much. do i do anything about since? no.
i get yelled at for being too defensive with my words at home. i get irritated that i do, yet still i speak before i think.
i don't read the Bible except in church two nights a week. that's absolutely horrible....
i also don't pray hardly at all. so much for being a good christ follower....
i'm immature how i handle some work problems; honestly i just don't know how to handle them in the first place. perhaps i should learn.
i am not well on holding on friends; but i never try to continually reach out to them. this, this i decided to try and grab ahold of the friends i have now, and hold on tight.
i learned more stuff about people this past week then i ever have.
i learned what it's like to have FUN with more then one person at a time. i learned that i believe my heart was broken for real, instead of refusing to believe it and holding on to it by a splinter. i learned i'd wait a lifetime to heal a lost friendship. i wonder if you still read this...
i don't make new year resolutions; i think they're stupid in my opinion. but if there was any type; i'd try and use them on myself. i no longer want to be selfish. i want to be unto others. i am jealous. i am selfish. i am proud. i am not a motivator. i want to change everything about what i said here, and do good.
and under Christ.
good day.

schedules.... i'm still trying to decide whether i like them or dislike them..

friends are such a wonderful thing to have.

goodbye, hello.

so... the new year has finally come.
good riddance to the bad rubbish of last year.
lets see....

-i had a seizure, not two months before i could have called it a year.

-a rose always has it thorns, and as a relationship will last within its bliss, the thorns will come to hurt.

-i crashed my car.

-i lost my best friend.

-i was in depression.

-i could go on forever.

-i lost more friends.

but the good. i do i have that did happen to come within two thousand nine.

-i had one of the best relationships possible

-i fell in love.

-i was accepted into cornish.

-i found a wonderful bible study.

-i was given back my job.

-i had a wonderful summer.

-i gained new friends.


what a year, what a year.
and now, twenty ten has finally arrived.
bring it on.

2010 to begin with...

what a year. and it's gone. wow.
i'll talk about it more later.
as i started my lovely new year of 2010, i went and saw sherlock holmes. :D fantastic movie, i'm ready to see it again. and i don't do that often.

dangerous - house of heroes

I think I like where I'm standing
I think I hate it too
'Cause it's safe on the side of caution
But baby, it's so far away from you

And if I try my best, I still can't find a way to let it go
And it's so much work pretending to move on
I can't if I'll never know (Walk in the rain)
In love and pain (On and on)
'Til we find a new beginning

Hey, hey, this is dangerous
I've buried all my dreams but the ones of us
I think I never knew you when I knew you before
And every time we meet
It's like you're breaking my heart all over

Give me peace, give me trust, give me something real
Let me know when it's safe to begin to feel
All the things I knew before, I need something to fight for
Talk it out, all these hours, almost every day

Still you fill my lungs (Still I walk in grace)
Until I've unlearned everything, except to trust
I can't if I'm too afraid of love and pain (Is that so wrong?)
Tell me that I'm gaining something

Hey, hey, this is dangerous
I've buried all my dreams but the ones of us
I think I never knew you when I knew you before
And every time we meet
It's like you're breaking my heart all over

Hey, hey, this is dangerous
I'm writing all the songs that I'll play for us
I'm crossing off the reasons why I couldn't believe
That peace of mind was something that I'd ever achieve

Come on, come on
Nothing to be lost or won
Come on, come on
I feel as if we've just begun
I'm standing here alone

Come on, come on
Nothing ever seemed so clear
Come on, come on
And still I don't know how to feel
I walk this road alone

Come on, come on
Listen to the sound of the rain
Come on, come on
Can it take me home again?
Take me home again to your arms

Hey, hey, this is dangerous
Waste the night away with us
Even if we never find a way back to love
The desperate and the faithful are the ones we can trust

Hey, hey, this is dangerous
I've buried all my dreams but the ones of us
I think I never knew you when I knew you before
And every time we meet
It's like you're breaking my heart all over

Come on, come on
Nothing to be lost or won
Even if we never find our way back to love
Take me home again