no.

so stupid :(
this day just wasn't my day.
yeah so the power went out last night. alright.. not that huge big of a deal.
my dance classes went well.
lunch was fine.
that damn party wasn't the best.. don't know who/boy/girl/age it is and so just wing it, only to find out that oh yes... there was a theme, and it's not the correct colors... [this was a birthday party at work] so later on we find where all the decorations are.. my new supervisor put them somewhere crazy. ended up whipping everything out fast, but the poor twelve year old girl only ended up seeing three guests. one of them was a cousin... don't know if that counts or not.. but because of this poweroutage and stuff... :\ i felt bad for her.
get off at a good time for work then find out at about five that oh. the wedding? it's starting now. not at 6. racing out the door with half finished makeup, pinched my finger so i have a blood blister there now... completely miss the wedding itself because i get myself lost and lost it. called mother to get me to this damn church. yes i said damn church. [it's latter day saints anyways] lost it again in there for a tiny bit only because i looked like i was crying so yeah duh i'm not stable then lol.
get home finally to learn power is back up and then to walk up and find my fucking bird died. :( :( :( :( :( was fine an hour before and my family has made sure all of them were fine. he was in such a position i was a basketcase for the rest of the night and idk. so so so miserable.
ugh.

thank God christmas is coming soon.

"I’m left here asking, when did I trade in my bleeding heart for a selfish win?"

from "dead poetic" - vices

you can tell i'm that bored.

1. What was the highlight of your week?
seeing meghan three times :] and red robin.

2. Whose car were you in last?
rose's

3. When is the next time you will kiss someone?
ha. i almost wish i could predict that.

4. What color shirt are you wearing?
blue! with ncsa 08 summer intensive on it

5. How long is your hair?
almost to my armpits [long for me]

6. Are you good looking?
ha. not really.

7. Last movie you watched?
the african queen!!!!! <3 humphrey bogart!

8. Who were you with?
family

9. Last thing you ate?
drinking a smoothie and had coffee

10. Last thing you drank?
oh. drinking smoothie and HAD coffee/

11. When was the last time you had your heart broken?
oh dear. can one break it themselves? april of 09

12. Who came over last?
meghan!

13. Are you happy right now?
i seek to be joyful, but yes, i am happy it's christmas season, as well as God is giving me so much!!

14. What did you say last?
i was telling my mother about how the natural jiffy peanut butter tastes different then the normal jiffy peanut butter.

15. Where is your phone?
in front of me

16. What color are your eyes?
mud brown.

17. Are you left-handed?
nope.

18. Spell your name without vowels:
brn.... i'm going to count Y as a vowel?

19. Do you have any pets?
lol. four yorkies, one lab, [one yorkie has 6 puppies at the moments], nine birds, and then a cat that lives outdoors

20. Favorite Vacation?
disneyland. duh[:

21. What do you dislike currently?
that my feet are cold?

22. What are you listening to?
my birds next to me... or i just listened to 'a merry swiftmas' my evan taubenfeld.

23. If you could have one thing right now what would it be?
is that a heart's desire? that'd be my secret hahaha
idk.

24. What is your favorite scent?
that's really hard.

25. Who makes you happy?
connecting with my friends... so meghan. the most i think.. devin..

26. What were you doing at midnight last night?
reading a jodi picoult book - house rules [about a kid with asperger's syndrome who is arrested for murder]

27. When is your birthday?
november 19

28. Who has the same phone as you?
haven't seen anyone with it.

29. Last time you went swimming in a pool?
ha. summertime.

30. Do you read your horoscope?
i read when i get my magazines.. but not much else

31. Where was the last place you bought something?
target!

32. How do you feel about your hair right now?
i would like it to be a little longer but i like the color right now haha

33. Do you bite your nails?
yeah :/

34. Do you have any expensive jewelery?
yes actually, my first boyfriend gave me a necklace i've seen the price on... another necklace from my rents and an earring from a pair of diamonds.

35. Do you wear any expensive jewelery?
yes. i sometimes wear all three at once.

36. Myspace or facebook?
facebook. used to have myspace.

37. How fast have you driven a car?
lol. 85? 90?

38. Have you ever smoked?
lol...

39. What was or is your favorite subject in school?
english. i loved writing.

40. Do you have Verizon?
nope. t-mobile.

41. What type of boy or girl do you usually fall for?
oh jeez. well idk... i guess so far it hasn't been anyone christian and every one of them my mom has not liked. but all had different personalities... oh. but they all were needy.

42. Do you have any hidden talents?
hidden ;D well i started therapy school once so i can actually touch your body and feel all you knots, torture you and actually make you feel better within a week.
no idea...

43. Last song you listened to?
a merry swiftness by evan taubenfeld!

44. Do you like to sing at all?
haha. yes.

45. Dream Job?
dance company, then teach dance, with SOMA [therapy]

46. Where does most of your family live?
around washington.

47. Are you an only child or do you have siblings?
two younger brothers

48. Would you consider yourself to be spoiled?
lol. in some ways, yes.

49. What was the first thing you thought when you woke up?
ahh!!! they're playing that one song! [a merry swiftness]

50. Do you drink?
lol..

51. Know any other languages?
i can say very minimal in french and spanish. VERY minimal

52. Ever write a coded message?
that's the fun in being friends with people

53. Have you ever been IN a wedding?
no.

54. Do you have any children?
HELL no.

55. Did you take a nap today?
i woke up half an hour ago.

56. Who has the same birthday as you?
tazshia!!!! and josh.

57. Ever met anyone famous before?
yeah. ethan steifel. [dance]

58. Do you want to be famous one day?
only within my friends and family.

59. Any Pet Peeves?
people hitting [drumming] loudly while we're all listening to music... i seem to be more and more OCD lately...

60. Are you multitasking right now?
guess i am.. smoothie, texting my dad, and doing this, listening to music... i wasn't really thinking about it haha

61. Do you like Britany Spears?
her songs, yes. her, no.

62. What is your least favorite chore?
dishwasher. lol

63. Last place you drove your car?
to red robin's to celebrate meghan's birthday, and she put me in there too.

64. Ever been out of the country?
no.

65. Where were you born?
tacoma, washington.

66. Could you handle being in the military?
probably not..

67. What is your average cell phone bill?
lol. i average for 30$ with it being unlimited texting lol

68. Who are you thinking about right now?
lol. wasn't until you asked.

69. When was the last time you laughed REALLY hard?
really really hard? when my dad kept spilling his lemon tart all over the place.

70. How many pairs of shoes do you own?
does this count dance shoes too? lol jk um eleven without counting the five more dance pairs of shoes.

71. Are your toes always painted?
no. dance makes them just come off.

72. How many piercings do you have?
six, the seventh is gone now and though i have the fifth one kind of closing up.

73. What are you doing today?
i am going to try and make myself take a at-home ballet class and then work tonight.

74. Have you ever been gambling?
nope. only in chips.

75. When is the last time you updated your page?
the other day. i edited my school :D

76. Do you like rollercoasters?
oh yes.

77. Have you ever been to disneyland or world?
DISNEYLAND! only about eight or nine times. not enough.

78. Do you have a favorite cartoon character?
hmm... something from disney i like belle form beauty and the beast... aurora and prince phillip from sleeping beauty.. tarzan is a fave.. too hard to narrow straight down.

79. Last thing you cooked?
ha. i don't... but a scrambled egg in the microwave lol

80. Hows the weather?
chilly and the snow is all but gone.

81. Do you e-mail?
i do, actually.

82. Whats the stupidest thing you ever did with your cell phone?
left it in the pocket and it was in the wash for ten minutes.

83. Last time you were sick?
really trying to get over the cold that's got its fingers on me now.

84. What states have you lived in?
washington. do you count college? then north carolina.

85. Do you wish you could move?
i would rather not be in washington later on in life.

86. Do you take all the QuizPox.com quizzes?
no.

87. What is your dream car?
don't think i'll be getting the 69 bug i want.... so a jetta or something.

88. Have you ever wanted someone you cant have?
ol. OH yes.

89. If you could be anywhere right now where would it be?
right this minute? disneyland or north carolina.

90. Are you happy with your life?
i truly can say i am.

die?

why? why can you not die?
though i try to hurt you, it's like an invisible wall bars you inside
i cannot pierce it, sobbing as i may
do you understand how much you're killing me?

the months keep going,
and the clock still ticks
though time keeps slowing down and speeding up
making me forget my outer shell

my hopes and dreams, they're still surrounding me
trying to pester me back to reality
but honestly, half of them are with you...

why? why can you not die?
though i try to hurt you, it's like an invisible wall bars you inside
i cannot pierce it, sobbing as i may
do you understand how much you're killing me?

crumbling, the red shape inside of myself slowly blows away
the wind so passionate, making me pay
what did i do wrong, when i looked into your eyes,
what curse was put upon me?

what did i do,
what did i do,
what curse was put upon me?

i cannot forget
i cannot seem to die completely
no rest in peace
where is my salvation....

i cannot make you die, then leave me.. alone.. from this place..
for to continue to love you, only leaves me with heartbreak.

ALMOST 10 INCHES OF SNOW!

i'm dying my hair fire red as we speak.

ramble ramble ramble

i'd give you an answer, but often you don't like them.
i can dream all i want, doesn't matter if they come true or not.
i'm tired of the what ifs, and the knowing it won't happen.
love is such a tiresome thing.
what is love?
and what becomes of your heart, when all you think of is shallow things, boy?
i wish i could hold you, and let you be happy, but it sacrifices everything i believe in.
at the same time, i'm actually content.
for once in my life.
and i want to push you away, far far away, but everytime i get so close to this, i pull right back and hold you from here.
i wish you knew God.
so i'll stand from here, and pray for you.