life works very mysterious ways...

you make me wonder, reconsider life
i think about how you changed my life, how you took a hold of it and flipped it
flipped it upside down and inside-out
boys are dumb.

"and our faces crumble at the shatter of a glass heart when the cold look you throw at us hits"

dangerous (the acclaim)

There is a passion stirring
In the hearts of Your people
There is a whisper growing
And its crying to be heard

Break the chains that bind us
Lord remind us
That we are marked
By the blood of our King

Our God is holy
He is victorious
Our God is mighty
Our God is dangerous

We come boldly
To Your throne
We surrender
To You and You alone

The world cannot hate us
For we are too much its own
Oh Lord make us dangerous

Shatter us with Your glory
Fill us anew
We will not be held back
Because all we want is You

tears of the saints (leeland)

There are many prodigal songs
On our city streets they run
Searching for shelter
There are homes broken down
People's hopes have fallen to the ground
From failures

This is an emergency

There are tears from the saints
For the lost and unsaved
We're crying for them come back home
We're crying for them come back home
And all Your children will stretch out their hands
And pick up the crippled man
Father, we will lead them home
Father, we will lead them home

There are schools full of hatred
Even churches have forsaken
Love and mercy
May we see this generation
In this state of desperation
For Your glory

This is an emergency

Sinner, reach out your hands
Children in Christ you stand
Sinner, reach out your hands
Children in Christ you stand

And all Your children will stretch out their hands
And pick up the crippled man
Father, we will lead them home
Father, we will lead them home

tears flow freely/for i am a new man.

stumbling to the alter
falling to my knees

comunion's been recognized and swallowed whole
tears flow freely
for i am a new man.
the hands of God's children sharing His power
tears flow freely
for i am a new man.

in front of the music
shouting His presence
in front of all to see
i give myself up to Him

the tears flow freely
for i am a new man.

the prayers were heard
and the questions answered
give me His grace
i gave Him my pride
i gave Him my anger
i gave Him my sadness
give me His grace

participation...
is that so scary to ask?

the tears flow freely
for i am a new man.
stumbling to the alter
falling on my knees

hand in hand with the one i need.

tonight, i gave it up.

fouette en pointe

we're doing fouettes in class today, and i'm on the music. like ON it.
at the end, i do spiral out of control, but the teacher tells me i'm going to fast!!!
i know i'm doing it correctly. and yes, everyone says that, but this one, it's right.

her dancers can't get on the music, and never have, so she's used to everyone else's tempo, and i'm the one wrong. grrr
it's not that i need a compliment or anything, but get out of your box! lol

sad thing is that it shouldn't bug me that bad.... lol....
cuz i am right there, counting it out with her, and it's what i was doing.
bah. humbug.

monday morning came too early

yes; 8:00AM for work is a bit too early. damnit i have to inventory there :(
yucky yucky
well it is my choice form doing it at 5.30 friday night lol after a stressful day...

oh joy. how i have come to dread work. stupid stupid drama... :(

i traded my place for a shooting star for a day, and i realized i was on the biggest adventure in my life;
cuz how i was never gonna look back, never gonna touch the ground again
i was flying higher then the highest clouds and smiling the entire way

fifteen (taylor swift)

You take a deep breath and you walk through the doors
It's the morning of your very first day
You say hi to your friends you ain't seen in a while
Try and stay out of everybody's way
It's your freshman year and you're gonna be here
For the next four years in this town
Hoping one of those senior boys will wink at you and say
You know I haven't seen you around, before

'Cause when you're fifteen and
Somebody tells you they love you
You're gonna believe them
And when you're fifteen feeling like
There's nothing to figure out
But count to ten, take it in
This is life before you know
Who you're gonna be
Fifteen

You sit in a class next to a redheaded Abigail
And soon enough you're best friends
Laughing at the others girls
Who think they're so cool
We'll be out of here as soon as we can
And then you're on you're very first date
And he's got a car and you're feeling like flying
And you're mamma's waiting up and you're thinking he's the one
And you're dancing 'round your room when the night ends
When the night ends

'Cause when you're fifteen and
Somebody tells you they love you
You're gonna believe them
When you're fifteen and your first kiss
Makes you head spin 'round but
In your life you'll do things greater
Than dating the boy on the football team
But I didn't know it at fifteen

When all you wanted
Was to be wanted
Wish you could go back
And tell yourself what you know now

Back then I swore I was gonna
Marry him someday
But I realized some bigger dreams of mine
And Abigail gave everything she had to a boy
Who changed his mind
And we both cried

'Cause when you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you
You're gonna believe them
And when you're fifteen, don't forget to look before you fall
I've found time can heal most anything
And you just might find who you're supposed to be
I didn't know who I was supposed to be
At fifteen

la la la la la...la la la la la...la la la la la

Your very first day
Take a deep breath girl
Take a deep breath as you walk through the doors

the rollercoaster of depression sucks.
especially when the push of part of it is happening to slap you in the face five days a week.
gahhhhhhhhhh

"we become martyrs"

mar⋅tyr  [mahr-ter] –noun
1. a person who willingly suffers death rather than renounce his or her religion.
2. a person who is put to death or endures great suffering on behalf of any belief, principle, or cause: a martyr to the cause of social justice.
3. a person who undergoes severe or constant suffering: a martyr to severe headaches.
4. a person who seeks sympathy or attention by feigning or exaggerating pain, deprivation, etc.
–verb (used with object)
5. to make a martyr of, esp. by putting to death.
6. to torment or torture.
Origin:
bef. 900; (n.) ME marter, OE martyr < LL < LGk mártyr, var. of Gk mártys, mártyros witness; (v.) ME martiren, OE martyrian, deriv. of n.

Related forms:
mar⋅tyr⋅ish, adjective
mar⋅tyr⋅ly, adverb, adjective

fridayyyy

work is eating up my nonexistent social calendar, bit by excruciating bit.
it was an okay day for once, until something got put amiss... idk what it was and the mood was offkiltered :(
i'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.
why the fuck can't we decide to solve problems?
if i was "calm" i wouldn't be bringing up the issue. i can't be two faced anymore. like we try to pretend we are.
i'm never "calm" in the first place. surely you'd know this by now.
really, i honestly don't think you like to solve problems. fuck. this.

goodbye vs. hello

your promise changes minds everytime, not matter how hard i run;
it's like that goodbye, i keep trying to say,
your hello counters it and waves it away
as hard as i try,
my goodbye never will counter what your
hellos bring me
so no more hellos, so i can give the goodbye i never wanted to say.







....but honestly,
..i couldn't live with a final goodbye.

vanilla twilight (owl city)

The stars lean down to kiss you,
And I lie awake I miss you.
Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere.
'Cause I'll doze off safe and soundly,
But I'll miss your arms around me.
I'd send a postcard to you dear,
'Cause I wish you were here.

I watch the night turn light blue.
But it's not the same without you,
Because it takes two to whisper quietly,
The silence isn't so bad,
Till I look at my hands and feel sad,
'Cause the spaces between my fingers
Are right where yours fit perfectly.

I'll find repose in new ways,
Though I haven't slept in two days,
'Cause cold nostalgia chills me to the bone.
But drenched in Vanilla twilight,
I'll sit on the front porch all night,
Waist deep in thought because when I think of you.
I don't feel so alone.
I don't feel so alone.
I don't feel so alone.

As many times as I blink I'll think of you... tonight.
I'll think of you tonight.

When violet eyes get brighter,
And heavy wings grow lighter,
I'll taste the sky and feel alive again.
And I'll forget the world that I knew,
But I swear I won't forget you,
Oh if my voice could reach back through the past,
I'd whisper in your ear,
Oh darling I wish you were here.

no surprise (daughtry)

I've practiced this for hours, gone round and round
And now I think that I've got it all down
And as I say it louder I love how it sounds
Cause I'm not taking the easy way out
Not wrapping this in ribbons
Shouldn't have to give a reason why

It's no surprise I won't be here tomorrow
I can't believe that I stayed till today
Yeah you and I will be a tough act to follow
But I know in time we'll find this was no surprise

It came out like a river once I let it out
When I thought that I wouldn't know how
Held onto it forever just pushing it down
Felt so good to let go of it now
Not wrapping this in ribbons
Shouldn't have to give a reason why

It's no surprise I won't be here tomorrow
I can't believe that I stayed till today
There's nothing here in this heart left to borrow
There's nothing here in this soul left to say
Don't be surprised when we hate this tomorrow
God know we tried to find an easier way
Yeah you and I will be a tough act to follow
But I know in time we'll find this was no surprise

Our favorite place we used to go
The warm embrace that no one knows
The loving look that's left your eyes
That's why this comes as no, as no surprise

If I could see the future and how this plays out
I bet it's better than where we are now
But after going through this, it's easier to see the reason why

It's no surprise I won't be here tomorrow
I can't believe that I stayed till today
Yeah you and I will be a tough act to follow
But I know in time we'll find this was no surprise

The kiss goodnight, it comes with me
Both wrong and right, our memories
The whispering before we sleep, just one more thing that you can't keep
Our favorite place we used to go
The warm embrace that no one knows
The loving look that's left your eyes
But I know in time we'll find this was no surprise

what is it with those little things. those tiny little things, that snaps inside of you because of it, and you're jello?
why?

dusty friendships

i just wish i could make up for the years i took off on my own road and left you in the dust
left you standing there tears rolling down
without i glance back i road into the sunset
wishing ne'er to turn back

friends never turn on eachother,
well that's what i did
and left you for good

i drove and drove, and lost my way
i looked and looked, but with no prevail
i knew then, and i know now
i cannot find that way without you

i just wish i could make up for the years i took off on my own road and left you in the dust
left you standing there tears rolling down
without i glance back i road into the sunset
wishing ne'er to turn back


now i'm standing at the deep end of the pool
looking down into the murky waters
i'm ready to dive into the deep end,
hand in hand with you.

she fucking lied.

36 random questions

here's the deal a buch of random questions to be answered, and when your done add your own!!!!! and repost it!

1. Would you get back with your last ex if you could?
hell no. maybe if he grew up, there could be that possibility...

2. What color shirt are you wearing?
grey.

3. Would you kiss anyone on your friends list?
yeah i would/.

4. Do you have a 'thing' for someone on your friends list?
i could. but not really anything that's possible to happen.

5. How many people on your top friends list do you know in real life?
i don't really accept people i don't know in the first place

6. How many kids do you want to have?
two.

7. Do you have a good relationship with your parents?
more the mother then the dad


8. What name would you want besides the one you have?
roxanne/

9. Would you ever make out with someone of the same sex?
hahahahahaha i have ;] no not made out lol

10. What did you do for your last birthday?
i did shit. lol i was at college and it was on a freaking wednesday

11. What's your main ringtone on your phone?
good girls go bad

12. What time did you wake up today?
7.20 with the snooze button to 7.46

13. What were you doing two nights ago?
dance then reach

14. Do you like having your hair pulled?
no

15. Name something you can't wait to do.
get out of quiznos.

16. Last time you saw your mom
this morning

17. What is one thing you wish you could change about yourself?
i wish i had more compassion

18. If you had $250,000, what would you do with it?
disneyland. college. savings fund!!!

19. how long have you worked at your current job?
ughhhhhhhhhhhh off and on since november of 2007

20. Have you ever talked to Tom?
from myspace? no

21.Describe the underwear you have on?
orange ;]

22. Last thing you ate?
i'm eating saltines

23. What's your favorite month?
december

24. Your least favorite month?
february

25. What's the last piece of clothing someone borrowed from you?
my faux leather jacket which is in a different city now and idk when i'll get back

26. Who is getting on your nerves right now?
QUIZNOS

27. Most visited webpage?
facebook

28. Last person you text messaged?
my mother

29. Last person to make you sad?
becca

30. Would you take a bullet for your best friend?
duh

31. Favorite kind of drink?
java chip frappechino with extra chocolate chips

32. Favorite food?
pizza

33. Favorite dessert?
safeway chocolate cake/white frosting hahaha so original

34. Have you been to Europe?
no

35. If someone you hated died, what would you do?
pray lol

36. if you had 1 month to live what are you top 5 things to do
fly to ncsa and visit, then florida, go to disneyland, get a tattoo.

my friend has decided to design my tattoo.
hehehe :D

"it's the first thing you see as you open your eyes/the last thing you say as you're saying goodbye"
[thanks kacy]

"send me into the cities of bones, oh Lord, so you may prophesy through me within the walls of dry bones.."

out of the corner of my eyes, it is raining; but when i look out true, only the fog is laughing at me, watching the tricks of the mind toy with my head.

ciara <3

i may be that immature little girl inside, who smiles at everything, and giggles at the randomest things, but i have the entire castle built around me as my walls of armor.
you may think you're seeing inside, but really you're seeing the traps of my command. you try and get in and you may have made the biggest mistake of your life; i take no mercy and i can destroy you in a single scream.
don't try to mess with someone who's smaller then you, who hides with hair over her face and a cup of coffee in her hand, because behind that i've got God on one side of me, and my sarcasm on the other.
i'm not something that can be easily pushed aside, if you think you've seen me vulnerable, perhaps you've seen me pretend to be calm, but really i'm this crazy bitch who can be the greatest friend you'll need if you let me be just that. otherwise, i'm the bitch you'll regret messing with.
so when you've proved to me you're not like other boys, you're actually different, your own mind, your own person, maybe i'll talk. but for now, stay the fuck away from me and promise me you'll never try to get into my pants before you try to pronounce my name.

funny

today my newest picture on facebook was critiqued by a kid i went out with for a bit.
weirdest thing ever, and yet i find it hilarious.
another puzzling clue to figure him out.
but i don't want to go down that path. it was a hard path to go down, some 3000 miles away.
haha i sound depressed and lost love like. but, i can say with a proud heart, i'm not. not anymore.
though i do have to say that once he found this out, he's been strange...... lol.

9:44 today

good morning sunday, idk why i'm up.
i've got plans in my head that there's no way i can convince my mother to complete today.
christmas ideas have popped into my head, yet i cannot tell anyone, for then it would ruin the surprise.
today is semi sunny, lets hope it stays this time.
legos are the best toy that ever was made. seriously. i spent all day yesterday playing legos :D
boys are beyond assholes, i wish i could wack them all out of history. hahaha that makes no sense, but whatever.
there's a few that are okay, okay well about one, at the moment, because the other one Has been one. oh well.
girls wanna have more fun. i hate that song.
my family can't take teasing this morning. *sigh*
gotta love those sundays :(

cowboy casanova (carrie underwood)

You better take it from me
That boy is like a disease
Your runnin your tryin to hide and your
wonderin why you cant get free

He's like a curse
He's like a drug
You get addicted to his love
You want to get out but he's holdin you down
cause you cant live without one more
touch

He's a, a good time cowboy casanova leanin
up against the record machine
Looks like a cool drink of water but
He's candy coated misery
He's the devil in disguise
A snake with blue eyes
And he only comes out at night
He gives you feelings that u dont want to
fight
You better run for your life

Oooohhh Ohh
Oooohhh Ohh

I see that look on your face
You aint hearin what I say
So I'll say it again cause I been where
you been and I know how it ends you
cant get away

Dont even look in his eyes
He'll tell you nothin but lies
And you want to believe but you wont be decieved if you listen to me and take my advice

He's a good time cowboy casanova leanin
up against the record machine
Looks like a cool drink of water but
he's candy coated misery
He's the devil in disguise
A snake with blue eyes and he only come
out at night
He gives you feelings that you dont want
to fight
You better run for your life
Run, run away dont let him mess with
your mind

He'll tell you anything you wanna hear
He'll break your heart its jus a matter
of time

But just remember
He's a, a good time cowboy casanova leanin
up against the record machine
Looks like a cool drink of water but
he's candy coated misery
Devil in disguise
A snake with blue eyes and
he only comes out at night
He gives you feelins that you dont want
to fight

You better run for your life
Ooohhh oh
You better run for your life
Ooohhh oh You better run for your life
Oh You better run for your life

church tonight;

i love my church. i really do. the songs are AMAZING and i feel wrapped in God's grace when i'm in there. it's also nice to be sitting there next to friends. haven't been able to have that happen in a long, long time.
the pastor was passionate tonight.
we read about job. the best part about this passage, was;

"And the LORD said unto Satan, Whence comest thou? Then Satan answered the LORD, and said, From going to and fro in the earth, and from walking up and down in it.

8And the LORD said unto Satan, Hast thou considered my servant Job, that there is none like him in the earth, a perfect and an upright man, one that feareth God, and escheweth evil?"

satan did not ask about him, God did. how amazing is THAT?


:]

boys. are. fucking. stupid.



when shall i ever learn.

you may be waiting for that angel to take you out of hell, but i'm waiting for that fairy to take me out of neverland.

LOL

this is something to post.
I WAS PUT DOWN IN A BLOG.
yes. very big deal.
better yet, i am in becki's blog hahahahahahaha


poor rose - i'm there at becki's yesterday with conner, my brother, and at one point he goes, let's tackle anthony!
so we're running towards him and rose, and anthony hears us, looks back, starts bolting, and goes ROSE! RUN!
rose stops, screams bloody murder, and then books it.
poor girl!!! hehehehehehehe





i have caught a cold this week :(
pizza man needs to stop killing me with his eyes and handssssss

tuesday.

it's a blustery day in 100 acre woods.
and as the storm rages on the outside, a fire truck speeds by, confirming it's the end of the world.


lol today was long. slow. boring. and WINDY BEYOND BELIEF.
so it just so happens, of all days, prep is completely done before i get there. like, everything. there was nothing to slice, and i think two things on the list to do between becca and i.
took forever for the day to finish.


after, i went to becki's :]
first time, recording this in history, that anthony runs outside to HUG me. yes. HUG me. i was astounded. though i'm pretty sure it was because he really was hoping for food. hahahahahaha




working on my latest castle now. yes, legos.
here, mostly for becki, she'll prolly be the only one who really cares hahahaha
this one castle from brickcon i LOVED:

wish upon that star

i saw a shooting star
shortly after i went through time
watched it fade away into space
and wondered where it will go
make a wish, the thought goes through my head
of what? of you? of me? of us?
is it meant to be... or am i just wishing too many drunken star wishes...
how to know, and what to grasp hold of; do we hold onto hope, peace, or love?
do we draw out passion, emotions, or feelings?

i miss you. i do.
love flitters around, like that annoying fairy playing with your mind
is it real? or a version we tend to pretend with?
body language plays the key.

questions, questions; 1, 2, 3
who is going to think of me?

ramble, ramble, cough cough
the clock, still goes, tick-tock


i look up, and think of that shooting star long gone
maybe there's something else to wish upon
as i wait, thinking up my wish, another goes by, reminding me of the unfinished task,
that never ends.

our God is holy
He is victorious
our God is mighty
our God is dangerous

hello, i love you; won't you tell me your name?

breaking inside - shinedown

I caught a chill
and it's still frozen on my skin
I think about why
I'm alone, by myself
No one else to explain
how far do I go
No one knows
If the end is so much better why don't we just live forever
Don't tell me I'm the last one in line
Don't tell me I'm too late this time

I don't want to live
To waste another day
Underneath the shadow of mistakes I made
Cause I feel like I'm breaking inside
I don't want to fall and say I lost it all
Cause baby there's a part of me to hit the wall
Leaving pieces of me behind
And I feel like I'm breaking inside

Out here, nothings clear
Except the moment I decided to move on and I ignited
Disappear into the fear
You know there ain't no comin' back
When you're still carrying the past
You can't erase, separate
Cigarette in my hand,
Hope you all understand

I won't be the last one in line
I finally figured out what's mine

I don't want to live
To waste another day
Underneath the shadow of mistakes I made
Cause I feel like I'm breaking inside
I don't want to fall and say I lost it all
Cause baby there's a part of me to hit the wall
Leaving pieces of me behind
Leaving pieces of me behind
And I feel like I'm breaking inside

I won't be the last one in line,
I finally figured out what's mine

I don't want to live
To waste another day
Underneath the shadow of mistakes I made
Cause I feel like I'm breaking inside
I don't want to fall and say I lost it all
Cause baby there's a part of me to hit the wall
Leaving pieces of me behind
Leaving pieces of me behind
And I feel like I'm breaking inside
And I feel like I'm breaking,
I feel like i'm breaking inside

"everything falls apart, even the people who never frown eventually break down"

to you, and right back to me.

...where that hurt channels in through,
...right through your heart and out your throat
back thru your stomach and into your lungs
...and your brain and eyes and it just....oh my gosh hurts so so bad
right down to your toes and back up again...

all for you [sister hazel]

Finally I figured out,
But it took a long long time
Now there's a turnabout,
Maybe cause I'm tryin'
There's been times, I'm so confused
Down my road, will it lead to you?
Just can't turn and walk away

It's hard to say what it is I see in you
Wonder if I'll always be with you
Words can't say it, I can't do
Enough to prove, it's all for you

And I'd thought I seen it all,
Cause it's been a long long time
Oh bothered that we'll trip and fall,
Wonderin' if I'm alive
There's been times, I'm so confused
Down my road, will it lead to you?
I just can't turn, you walk away

Its hard to say what it is I see in you
Wonder if I'll always be with you
Words can't say, and I can't do
Enough to prove it's all for you

Rain comes pourin' down,
Fallin' from blue skies
Words give out a sound,
comin' from your eyes

Finally I figured out,
But it took a long long time
Oh now there's a turnabout,
Maybe cause I'm tryin'
There's been times, I'm so confused
Down my road, will it lead to you?
Just can't turn, you walk away

Its hard to say what it is I see in you
Wonder if I'll always be with you
Words can't say, I can't do
Enough to prove it's all for you

Well it's hard to say what it is I see in you
Wonder if I'll always be with you
Words can't say, I can't do
Enough to prove, it's all for you

Hard to say
Hard to say, it's all for you

predictable.

nine hours. nine freaking hours.
course, i accidentally forgot to clock in yesterday, and i'm now 40 + 15 hours over time hahahahahahahaha



it's been a long day, just like a predicted.




tomorrow. tomorrow holds a dance class, college work, and church.
:]

friday.

friday; long day today...

i've realized, i've never gotten a comment on my blog. funny, hmm?
haha.

i got 9 hours of sleep last night...... i did not want to get up today!!






my head's confused, my body's jello. haha.
peace out girl scout, time for work soon.

you know when it's 10:20 and you're exhausted, you should go to bed.

today,

today i rest, today i sleep.
today i wake, today i work.
today is the day where motivation is the key,
something that never seems to be with me.

today i'm becoming that person i never am...
today i'm here, like i always will be.
today i sit, and shake my head;
at the follies you always create away


today, i wonder where i am
why i'm here, and what will happen

but today i get up to work, i get frustrated, i stress, i make people happy
i come home to family and get up again
to repeat the cycle all over again.

these days [rascal flatts]

Hey baby, is that you?
Wow, your hair got so long.
Yeah, yeah, I love it, I really do.
Norma Jean, ain't that the song we'd sing in the car
Drivin' downtown, top down, makin' the rounds
Checking out the bands on Doheny Avenue.

Yeah, life throws you curves,
But you've learned to swerve,
Me, I swung and I missed,
And the next thing ya know, I'm reminiscing...
Dreaming old dreams, wishing old wishes,
Like you would be back again.

I wake up and tear drops, that fall down like rain,
I put on that old song we danced to and then,
I head off to my job, guess not much has changed,
Punch the clock, head for home,
Check the phone, just in case,
Go to bed, dream of you,
That's what I'm doin' these days.
Yeah that's what I'm doin'

Someone told me, after college, you ran off to Vegas,
You married a rodeo cowboy,
Wow, that ain't the girl I knew,
Me, I've been a few places,
Mostly here and there once or twice,
Still sortin' out life, but I'm doin' all right,
Yeah, it's good to see you, too.

Well, hey girl you're late, and those planes, they don't wait,

But if you ever come back around this sleepy old town,
Promise me you'll stop in, to see an old friend, and until then

I wake up and tear drops, that fall down like rain,
I put on that old song we danced to and then,
I head off to my job, guess not much has changed,
Punch the clock, head for home,
Check the phone, just in case,
Go to bed, dream of you,
That's what I'm doin' these...


I wake up and tear drops, that fall down like rain,
I put on that old song we danced to and then,


I wake up and tear drops, that fall down like rain,
I put on that old song we danced to and then,
I wake up and tear drops, that fall down like rain,
I put on that old song we danced to and then

if you only knew {shinedown}

If you only knew
I'm hanging by a thread
The web I spin for you
If you only knew
I'd sacrifice my beating
Heart before I lose you
I still hold onto the letters
You returned
I swear I've lived and learned

[Chorus]
It's 4:03 and I can't sleep
Without you next to me I
Toss and turn like the sea
If I drown tonight, bring me
Back to life
Breathe your breath in me
The only thing that I still believe
In is you, if you only knew

If you only knew
How many times I counted
All the words that wen't wrong
If you only knew
How I refuse to let you go,
Even when you're gone
I don't regret any days I
Spent, nights we shared,
Or letters that I sent

[Chorus]
It's 4:03 and I can't sleep
Without you next to me I
Toss and turn like the sea
If I drown tonight, bring me
Back to life
Breathe your breath in me
The only thing that I still believe
In is you, if you only knew

If you only knew
I still hold onto the letters
You returned
You help me live and learn

[Chorus]
It's 4:03 and I can't sleep
Without you next to me I
Toss and turn like the sea
If I drown tonight, bring me
Back to life
Breathe your breath in me
The only thing that I still believe
In is you, believe in is you
I still believe in you
Oh, if you only knew

haha. i laugh at myself.

knowing every so often i actually get to see you under your 'armor'...
and you made me smile today; though i'm sorry about half of what's up.

lol guiltily, i still am smiling.
it's nice to know that i'm not the only one doing the missing.

"I don't regret any days I spent, nights we shared, or letters that I sent"

shinedown. 'if you only knew'

and i still hold onto that letter you gave. damnnnnn i do miss you. it goes in spurts. i'm over it. for the most part. what a wonderful feeling to know. hahahahaha.




sounds like i might be teaching two classes again tonight.
work in 20.
peace.

the whole point of a blog is to vent, not to explain.
i do not have to explain who it's about, what it's for, where it was.
if you want to read it, read it.
but don't expect answers.





now just change the word to "blog"






and no. i'm not just talking about you, so don't even think so, please.
have a nice day :]

lets go fly a kite [disney - mary poppins]

With tuppence for paper and strings
You can have your own set of wings
With your feet on the ground
You're a bird in a flight
With your fist holding tight
To the string of your kite

Oh, oh, oh!
Let's go fly a kite
Up to the highest height!
Let's go fly a kite and send it soaring
Up through the atmosphere
Up where the air is clear
Oh, let's go fly a kite!

When you send it flyin' up there
All at once you're lighter than air
You can dance on the breeze
Over 'ouses and trees
With your first 'olding tight
To the string of your kite

Oh, oh, oh!
Let's go fly a kite
Up to the highest height!
Let's go fly a kite and send it soaring
Up through the atmosphere
Up where the air is clear
Let's go fly a kite!

ughhh

i am tired of the bullshit surrounded me.
can't you grow out of it?
maturity. that's a strange word to the people.

i'm just tired of it all. seriously.
i really hope i get out of here next year. because this is just stupid.
grow up.

monday...

i am exhausted, my legs are far gone;
lol.


i subbed four classes tonight. four. freaking. classes.
dance classes.
first class, ballet 6, was good.
pointe? not as good as i hoped.
ballet 2. the class itself is a disaster.
ballet 3 was good :]



myself is not so good. i am deadddddddddd



not even going to bring up today at work.

yesterday was good.

BRICKCON WAS YESTERDAY
lego convention :D


totally amazing.
i cannot to even begin to describe the magnificence of it.

aisles upon aisles of pure lego products built within creativity.


so yesterday when we all got home; you can probably guess what we were doing. lol yep. building legos!
there was this one castle that i absolutely love there.
the only thing? everyone of the lego "helpers" were bitches. geeky guys who looked bored to death told us not to get too close. we'd get in trouble for just pointing for legos' sake. all we wanted to to was freaking look hahaha

ohh it was fabulous. magical.

daddy's money [ricochet]

Can't concentrate on the preacher preaching
My attention span done turned off
I'm honed in on that angel singing
Up there in the choir loft

She's got her daddy's money
Her mama's good looks
More laughs than a stack of comic books
A wild imagination
A college education
Add it all up it's a deadly combination
She's a good bass fisher
A dynamite kisser
Country as a turnip green
She's got her daddy's money
Her mama's good looks
And look who's lookin' at me

Her second cousin was my third grade teacher
I used to cut her grandma's grass
Back then she was nothin' but knees and elbows
Golly did she grow up fast

She's got her daddy's money
Her mama's good looks
More laughs than a stack of comic books
A wild imagination
A college education
Add it all up it's a deadly combination
She's a good bass fisher
A dynamite kisser
Country as a turnip green
She's got her daddy's money
Her mama's good looks
And look who's lookin' at me

Lord if you got any miracles handy
Maybe you could grant me one
Just let me walk down the aisle
And say I do
To that angel with a choir robe on

She's got her daddy's money
Her mama's good looks
More laughs than a stack of comic books
A wild imagination
A college education
Add it all up it's a deadly combination
She's a good bass fisher
A dynamite kisser
Country as a turnip green
She's got her daddy's money
Her mama's good looks
And look who's lookin' at me
She's got her daddy's money
Her mama's good looks
And she's lookin' at me

and it's only saturday.

so. my day was definitely pretty interesting. haha.

morning: get up early for an open house for cornish!!
loved it; i'm stoked to audition.

personal statements suck; i'm trying to finish it. . . lol

afternoon: go to mt. peak with conner.
we get lost. yeah. lost.
so we end up coming down from the back of the peak, and all together? we walked/jogged/power walked about three or four miles. two freaking hours until we called my dad to save us.
i'm just a tad bit tired.....

night:
the night was good. church. 'nuff said :]



oh. and i realize this morning, i'm STRAWBERRY BLONDE thanks to that stupid hair dye hahahhaa.
so my mom used it first, cuz she's got short hair, she's like, you can use it after and get rid of the red/now-turned-orange in your hair.
i dye it. it's lighter then the really dark color in her hair. my red is not gone. so i am no strawberry blonde on the top of my head with reddish/orange now, and dark colors underneath. haha.


tomorrow:
i'm really excited, we have BRICKCON tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the lego convention!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D
thank goodness it's sunday; i don't have work.

delete.delete.delete.

i am curious...
i think about deleting my facebook sometimes. give everyone my email. idk. i grow tired of it sometimes.
but no, i am NOT following suite, and if anyone dares to think that, you're pretty ridiculous to think that lol.
considering why it happened in the first place.
oh. by the way, if you don't like how this is going, by all means. don't read. lol only logical thing to do.

idk. i can write stuff what i want to in my blog. heck i do that more then facebook sometimes anyways.
the problem? people really don't use their email much :/ so idk.
i should prolly work on finally deleting my myspace first hahaha
there's like those maybe five friends i have on there that i randomly talk to. gah hahaha
this sounds ridiculous, it's just freaking myspace and facebook x] love to know the world is addicted to the computer.

today is friday.
thanks heavens.

i don't know what to say,
but i'm smiling.

we'll talk of cabbages and kings,

seven o clock this morning cam around and i came out, told my mother to wake me up at 8, and went back to sleep.
i am sooooo SORE!! hahaha didn't think i would be.
x]

anyway i'll prolly go walking with conner today anyways; it's my "brother bonding" time, according to him ;] he wants to go walking.


boo work today :( i'm so tired of it; i wish i had that day breaks like i used to; i liked saturdays. but then again i couldn't go to saturday pnb classes.... or even church saturday night.
it's just so... yeah.






today i'll dream of castles and seas, of love and kings,
i'll dream of your voice, your smile, of memories,
of surpassing the long stretch of the nile

that comes between us...
and i'll dream on
waiting for your excuses
as i wait, and live on with life.