here's to life {older poem - april09}

it's hard to tell the good from the bad,
the right from the wrong,
the truth from the lies.

it's hard to listen to your heart,
live without regrets,
and go with your gut instinct.

it's hard to recognize the people you need to keep in your life,
the people that don't matter,
and the people that are your teachers.

it's hard to go through life with out throwing it away;
when everything brings you down, and you feel like quitting.
trying to see the good through the bad, without raging a war through your problems. without yelling at everyone in sight, and giving a hug to someone who needs it more then you.
it's hard to smile at a gloomy day, to listen what your mother has to say; to laugh when all is crying, and to stay in the present and not the past.

when the world seems to hate you, try to love them right back.
try to make the best of every situation, even when you hate how it turned out.

there's always someone who will be 'perfect' when you are not, something will never turn out the way you want it, somewhere is better then where you are.

here's to the nights you stay up way too late,
to the drama we suffer through and the days we're down in the blue;
to the days where nothing is possible and times where we feel worthless,
remember;
somewhere down the line, it's gonna turn out right.
somewhere down the line, life's gonna flip itself upside down.

it will get better.

but you need to remember hope. always remember to hope.
when life gives you lemons, find the vodka and make yourself a drink.
and drink to life.
this awful, tragic, beautiful, gripping, irritating, passionate life that we were given.
we only have one life to live;
we might as well live it.

you make me unstable
you make me feel fearless
by day i'm strong
by night i am weak
daydreams and nightmares
heavy sighs but no, no heartbreaks
just break my heart, would you
so you'd be no more upon my mind
i cannot get over the fact that i still love you
fate is such a cursed thing

haunting me is what could have been, but shall never be

you make me unstableeeeee

why is it that people want to walk all over you?
a "friend" today called to tell me that she was going to visit.
she brought three people with her - two guys, whom i've met - and then another 'friend' of mine. this other girl will act just like the first when they're together.. girl#1 has a fit when i tell her i used up my discount.. so she can't have it. she goes and has a kidz meal so it's still cheap.. girl#2 goes with something cheap but she's okay with it.

i believe the "visit" ended up being a 'hi'.... before she ignored me the entire time as well as the other girl.....

oh except they all laughed at me and called me names as on of the bitches shows me her boyfriend in rehab for DRUGS looked different... i couldn't tell. i've seen him once. that's it.
she calls me a jerk so i got up and went back to work. then she calls me more names to me when i get up.

WTFWTFWTFWTF

:(

"and i'll forget the world that i knew but i swear i won't forget you.. oh, if my voice could reach back through the past"
the fact that you like it means so much more
i'll keep it on until it dies....

i sometimes wish you'd break my heart; so i would not go on loving you..

i wish you'd break my heart sometimes so i'd get over you.